


Everyone Goes In Time Out

by Measured



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8453926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured/pseuds/Measured
Summary: The Goddess curses the leaders to become the children they acted like. Ike never thought he'd have to add 'babysitter for the rulers of Tellius' to his list of achievements.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiu227](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiu227/gifts).



> I blame [This](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CuRw9X_UIAAKJn_.jpg). Except it's more like he's the longsuffering daycare worker rather than kindergarten teacher.
> 
> Additional content note: There are mentions of child abuse (specifically, Soren's past.) There's also side Boyd/Mist.
> 
> Betaed by wind.
> 
>  
> 
> Merry Christmas, Kiu.

As far as curses from the Goddess, this was a new one. Ike let out a sigh, and rubbed at his forehead. "At least she didn't turn them into stone this time," Ike muttered. 

 

"Or drown them. Our Goddess is so very merciful," Soren said.

 

"Usually I'd agree, but how about we not call more wrath down on our heads?" 

 

Soren went silent. Perhaps for the best, considering it was a sharp-tongued quip which got them in this mess in the first place. After the third time a giggling leader had tried to hide, or tug away his cloak, Ike had pulled it off, and left it wadded on the bar. He'd dealt with the twisted manners of Begnion, using a soup spoons instead of a regular spoon in the capital, and fighting the tyrant king Ashnard. None of them prepared him for this.

 

The bar had been turned into this containment center, much to Shinon's disapproval. Brightly colored carpet covered up the once easily cleaned stones. In a far corner, Dheginsea built a wall around himself out of colorful blocks. Even though he was supposed to be a child, he still had a very bushy mustache. Maybe dragons aged differently, Ike thought.

 

A toy box covered in a pattern of colored diamonds was placed in the middle of the room. It was filled to the brim with bears and little wooden carts and horses. Many were scattered about the room. Tibarn made low neighing noises as he pushed the horse around. Naesala snatched it up, and bit the back legs.

 

"Tch, only gold sheen," Naesala said.

 

His feathers had turned to fluffy yellow down. Their clothes had shrunk with them, miniature white robes, black suits, and occasional very small crowns.

"Give it back, or I'll punch you in the face, you thieving crow--"

 

"That would imply you could catch me," Naesala said.

 

Leanne pushed herself between them. She put her hands on her hips, and gave the sternest glare a little Heron chick could manage, complete with fluffed out yellow down of wings. "No. No punch," she said.

 

"Not even a little?" Tibarn said.

 

" _No,"_ Leanne said again.

 

Behind her, Naesala smirked.

 

"Using a Heron as a shield....shameful," Tibarn said. He crossed his arms. "You are a coward!"

 

"And you're a brute who does nothing but boring headlong attacks. Learn to dodge for once," Naesala said.

 

"Why, you--"

 

"No!" Leanne said again, more forcefully this time.

 

Behind him, Reyson preened his yellow down. 

 

"Please stop fighting, this is what caused the Goddess to punish us in the first place!" Tears streamed down Queen Elincia's chubby cheeks. She started to stumble, but Geoffrey caught her. While he wasn't a leader, he had refused to leave his Queen when the judgment was passed down.

 

"You pushed Queen Elincia down, you'll pay!" Lucia held her little wooden sword out.

 

Tibarn smirked. "I accept your challenge."

 

Before Ike could reach them, Lucia already struck. A castle of blocks, that had been built by Naesala, then abandoned, began to crumble. The little squares spelled out surprisingly ribald and rude sentences that turned to incoherent He gripped the wooden sword on end, and broke it in half.

 

"Ha! These Beorc weapons are no match for me!"

 

"Tibarn, Lucia, you're both going in time out." Ike lifted two kicking and shrieking children, and deposited them towards the chair in the corner, along with the other misbehaving rulers.

 

"At this rate, we're going to have to get more chairs," Ike said. He rubbed the sweat from his brow and sighed. He'd long ago had to put away the band about his head, as Skrimir kept trying to bat at it with his massive paws. His cape, too, provided far too many chances for them to sneak in and poke him, so that had been folded away.

 

"Someone should make Boyd go gather them. He's reasonably decent at lifting things," Soren said.

 

"That's the nicest thing I think you've ever said about Boyd," Ike said.

 

Soren looked up from his book. "Don't expect more," he said dryly.

 

Another shriek cut short any response Ike could've made. 

 

Naesala was up to his thieving tricks again. He had horses in each hand, and his eye on Sanaki's little cart. Sanaki pulled her toy back, and stuck out her tongue. "I can hear the voice of the Goddess, and She says you smell!"

 

From what Ike knew of the Goddess (or Yune, at least) that was a pretty accurate statement.

 

"There's enough toys for everyone. Naesala. Stop stealing their toys," Ike said.

 

"You might as well tell me to stop flying, or stop being so handsome. Both Raven traits," Naesala said smoothly.

 

"Or stop being a cunning carrion-eating honorless backstabber---"

 

Naesala chuckled. "You say that like it's an insult. You're so whipped, you've forgotten what it's like to eat meat, but I haven't," Naesala said. He released the toy, and turned to face Tibarn. His black down was fluffed up to almost twice his size. "It must be horrible to eat nothing but berries, or has Reyson taken _that_ from you as well."

 

Tibarn's lip curled. "You're a _scavenger_. Half the time you don't even hunt, you simply steal someone else's kill, or find something rotting and dead on the way and take that as your meal!"

 

"There's no shame in a good find. If you're not fast enough to keep a kill, you don't deserve it."

 

Just as they were about to leap on each other, Ike pushed them apart. "How about we try corners. That sounds better. Not Pelleas's corner. Wait, Pelleas, did you just put yourself in time out?"

 

Pelleas nodded sadly.

 

"You didn't do anything wrong," Ike said.

 

"If I'd been a stronger ruler, this wouldn't have happened," Pelleas said. He sounded on the verge of tears. His eyes were already red-rimmed from crying. 

 

"You give yourself too much credit. You could've personally set fire to your own city, and. Technically, I suppose that wasn't too far off from what you did...." Soren stopped Pelleas began to curl into a little sobbing ball.

 

"Soren, while I like how forthright you are, you might want to dial it down. They're five now, remember?"

 

"All right," Soren said.

 

Soren turned a page, only to have his hair yanked back with enough force, that Ike reached out, and gripped Soren's wrist, before he got dragged down with the second tug.

 

"Skrimir, behave," Ike said.

 

"Roaaaaaar!" Little Skrimr nipped at Soren's arm, and went running across the room, knocking over the entire toybox in the process.

 

Pelleas clutched his little bear and burrowed deeper against the corner. He pulled a blanket up, until he was almost completely covered.

 

Just as Ike had almost caught Skrimir, Ike heard a chair tip over.

 

"Ohoho---"

 

"Oh, no you don't. Oliver, get back in time out." Ike had to hoist him up, and sit him back in the chair.

 

"But, these Herons, these lovely works of art---"

 

"Oliver, no," Ike said sternly.

 

"Go on, come, you cur. I'll punch you in the face again!"

 

Tibarn pulled Reyson back. "Don't, you'll break every bone in your body this time."

 

"And it'd be worth it," Reyson said. There was a fire in his green eyes.

 

Oliver crossed his chubby little arms across his chest and pouted.

 

Ike had prepared flasks of tea, and juice that hadn't yet fermented. Most of the cups here were too sturdy even for Skrimir to lift, in his current kitten state.

 

Sanaki took a sip, and spat it out across the floor, almost splattering Pelleas in the process. "This tea is cold! Warm it now for me, peasant."

 

"You're the one with fire magic," Soren said, as he flipped another page.

 

A mischievous light came across her face. She ran towards Soren's books, and pulled out one of his tomes. In seconds, it fluttered open, full of shining power. Ike ducked as a fireball hit the wall. Flames burst up again and again, as Sanaki broke into laughter.

 

Skrimir hissed and ran under the bar. The fur on his back stood up, as he let out little mewls every time flames were summoned forth.

 

"At this rate, the whole place is going to collapse around us!"

 

Soren pulled the book from her hands. "To time out, now," Soren said.

 

"I can hear the voice of the Goddess, and she says your socks with sandals are _an affront to nature_. Just because you've changed to boots, doesn't mean I don't remember those _dark_ days you dared to walk in Begion with those _socks_ and those _sandals!_ "

 

Soren narrowed his eyes. "You've earned double time out."

 

"Empresses don't have time out! I'm the one giving time out!" 

 

She kicked her feet all the way to the time out sector, which resembled a game of musical chairs, from just how many were in use.

 

"I'm surprised there's no cages here for the children," Soren said.

 

 _"Soren?"_ Ike said incredulously.

 

"That's what's done to children," Soren said slowly. "They're put in cages and not fed when they disobey, or don't follow the lessons." He didn't look up from the tomes.

 

"...Soren."

 

Soren didn't meet his gaze. "I told you, I'm not the person to watch them." He closed the book. "I'm unsuited for such a thing. I'll relocate to the library, and keep researching there."

 

"No, stay. I feel better with you around here." Even if his mind was now filled with horrific images of what Soren's life before him must've been.

 

"We'll talk about it later."

 

A shriek rose up as the two bird kings pulled at a teddy bear.

 

"It's mine!"

 

"I had it first!"

 

Leanne burst into tears. "No! No fight!"

 

The door creaked open, and a cheery voice called out _"Hey, everyone.Look, it's storytime!"_

 

Mist's bright smile, and demeanor caught their attention. The teddy bear was dropped, forgotten and almost in pieces as they rushed to sit down near her.

 

"I hope you're all being good," Mist said.

 

"Well, no one has died yet, so that's something, I guess," Ike said.

 

Mist spread out an elegant picture book, taken straight from the libraries of Melior. The rulers sat down around her, with rapt expressions.

 

Soren looked up from the stack of tomes.

 

"Once upon a time, the pathetic bickering of our rulers didn't anger the Goddess so much that she cursed them to 'become the children they acted like,'" Soren said.

 

"Soren, stop being a grumpypants," Mist said.

 

"Mist, you might as well ask the sky not to be blue," Ike said.

 

Soren looked down. Pelleas had started to stack the books into something like a house of books.

 

"Don't," Soren said softly, but with a steel underneath. Pelleas backed away, and stumbled right into the stacks of books. His castle fell to pieces. He burst into tears again.

 

"Oh, come here," Mist said. She lifted up Pelleas and gave him a big hug. 

 

"Now, here's the story of the wolf and the little lamb...."

 

Soren set aside another book. Ike sat next to him for a moment. He occasionally glanced back towards Mist's storytime, and the temporary pace.

 

"Not that one either?" Ike said in an undertone.

 

Soren shook his head. "It's hard to reverse a curse of a Goddess. Last time, they simply rebuilt what they could, and took it as a lesson."

 

The door opened, and everyone looked towards the new arrival. Heather tossed her hair back as she surveyed the room.

 

"Any luck?"

 

"None whatsoever," Soren said.

 

Heather's eyes widened as she pointed to the large picture across half of the _Collected histories of Tellius_ "Is that a picture of Her?"

 

"Yes, that's the Goddess in question. The one who started this whole mess," Soren said.

 

" _Hmmm_ , they sure broke the mold when She came into being. ...Where'd you say she was?"

 

"This is a horrible idea," Soren said.

 

"You haven't heard what I'm going to do," Heather said.

 

"Whatever it is, it's a horrible idea," Soren said.

 

Heather rolled her eyes. "Neither of you know _anything_ about women," Heather said.

 

"She's got a point, you know," Mist said.

 

Ike shrugged. "She probably can't make it worse," Ike said.

 

Mist hoisted Pelleas on her hip, as Ike gave the directions.

 

*

 

Tea time went to a truly disastrous attempt at nap time. Just as Ike thought everything would be lost, childhood ended. In a sheen of white light, they grew up. No peace truces, no reconciliation. 

 

"Do I even want to know?" Ike said.

 

"Probably not," Soren said.

 

"I had such a strange dream," Elincia said.

 

"I wish it was a dream," Ike said. "Unfortunately, it was all real. It's over now."

 

"See, we must...work together," Leanne said. Even as small as she was, she held a presence, and sway in the room. Slowly, they nodded and mumbled variations of _work together_.

 

"Princess Leanne is right. Many of us acted like children. We must strive to become better, if we are to lead our people," Pelleas said.

 

"He started it," Tibarn said.

 

Reyson rolled his eyes. "That's not working together. Working together is admitting that Naesala is backstabbing scum, and he's also our ally. At least until he betrays us again."

 

"Then we eat his liver and make a necklace out of his spine?" Tibarn said hopefully.

 

"I'll get the choicest cuts," Reyson said.

 

Heather leaned against the doorway. She smirked, and curled a blond tress of hair between her fingers."Bad plan, huh?"

 

"So, no moral about learning to get along? Heather just went and cheered her up?" Mist said.

 

"Morals only exist in stories, after all," Soren said.

 

A mischievous grin came over Mist's face. "It looks like _someone_ needs a hug!" 

 

Soren drew back, and lifted up the tome to his chest.

 

"Keep up with the grumps, and I'll give you _two_ hugs." 

 

Soren fell silent. He slowly picked up the books.

 

"Here, I'll help you," Ike said.

 

Soren watched with subtle admiration as Ike lifted up the books.

 

"We've done enough. We should leave the clean up for Boyd, considering he didn't help in solving the problem," Soren said. 

 

"What was he supposed to do? Help you go through texts?" Ike said.

 

"Good point. I doubt he'd even recognize most of these words," Soren said.

 

" _Someone's_ getting hugs," Mist said so cheerily that it sounded menacing.

 

Soren stepped behind Ike. 

 

"Anyways, She said that if we stop making careless and stupid wars, She'll stop putting us in time out," Heather said. 

 

"Somehow, I'm not surprised. Humans are the dumbest creatures alive," Ike said.

 

Elincia chuckled. "Blunt as ever. But, we need to work past these childish disagreements, and work towards a better future." 

 

*

 

Soren rested the tea cup in the saucer. Steam wafted up. Their quarters had never been large, but now with the installation of Soren's many bookcases, and a larger bed, it was even smaller. But Ike never had a need for too much space or decoration. As long as he and Soren could fit, it suited him fine.

 

Soren perched on the edge of the quilt made of scraps. All the old tunics and pants had been quartered up, with a layer of down sewn in-between.

 

"This isn't even the strangest adventure we've ever had," Soren said.

 

"Come to think of it, it isn't. At least it's peaceful again," Ike said.

 

"For a while longer, I suppose. I'd be surprised if it lasted even half a day."

 

Ike wrapped his arms about Soren's waist, and pulled him closer.

 

"Ike?"

 

"I didn't know," Ike said softly.

 

"I shouldn't have said anything. Caring for children...it isn't my strong point. I had little kindness back then, except what you showed me. I'm sorry to let you down."

 

He stroked Soren's hair. "You did the best you could. I'll give you lots better memories, until it's all drowned out."

 

"One more thing...Ike," Soren said.

 

"What is it?" Ike said.

 

"Please never make me watch children again," Soren said.

 

"Next time, we'll leave the babysitting to Boyd, Ike said.

 

*

 

Coda:

 

"And that's it! Phew, that was a lot of chairs. Not that it was hard." Boyd casually flexed, only to draw back from the wall. He'd ripped the sides of his shirt just to show how ripped he was. "Slippery--walls, eh? Wait, do I even want to know why it's sticky? And why there's ash everywhere?'

 

"Probably not," Mist said. 

 

"The bar is sticky too, and the floor. Everything's so _sticky_ ," Boyd said, in growing horror.

 

"You missed the part where we had fireballs flung at our head."

 

"That'd explain the burn-marks. How does that make things _sticky_ though. Do I even want to know?"

 

"You probably don't," Mist said.

 

"You know, you're a pretty good mom," Boyd said. He grinned, and leaned against the wall. His attempt at suaveness fell flat, and so did he, as he tumbled down into the bar. He tried to push himself up in a dashing way, only to dash his face on the chair.

 

It sort of counted as dashing. Score one for him.

 

She laughed. "You're such a dork."

 

Her smile was so bright, that it made the throbbing pain and growing bruises worth it. In a few seconds, the light from her heal staff was even brighter, and the ache was gone. Having a girlfriend who was a healer was really handy. Especially when he kept running into things, dropping things on his feet, and accidentally falling into tables.

 

"But you're my dork. Now, Sir Dork, lift those books!"

 

"Sir Dork?" Boyd said. He shrugged it off. He'd be whatever she wanted just to see that smile again.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [We’re Going to Need More Chairs](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12853638) by [JAMoczo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAMoczo/pseuds/JAMoczo)




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